“..my family told me to cope and not bring ‘shame’ on them..”

My name is N*****; I am a 35-year-old from the Middle East. I had an arranged marriage in 2015 to A***** and joined him in the UK on a visitor’s visa. I gave birth to my two children in the UK, one of my children has multiple health problems.

I was a nurse in my country but I couldn’t work in the UK due to my visa type. My husband didn’t try to change my visa to spouse visa as a wife and mother of his 2 children, instead he let me face many problems to get a visa each time. When I applied for my last visit visa, they were going to refuse my visa, however they granted the visa on discretion due to my child undergoing surgery. The Home Office advised my husband to apply for a spouse visa.

Since 2015, I haven’t had a good marriage. A***** was abusing me verbally, emotionally, physically and financially. I am the fourth wife to him and he was abusive towards his previous wives. I didn’t know about his previous marriages until I arrived in UK and saw their pictures.

When we were visiting our families back home, his mother and sisters were interfering with our lives and encouraging him to abuse me and my child. I told my family about his bad treatment and abusive behaviour towards me and my daughter but they told me I have to cope and not bring ‘shame’ on them if I divorced him. When I gave birth to my second child, my mother in-law advised him to never solve my visa issue, so he can take my children away from me, and return to the UK leaving me in my country. When I heard this, I hid my children’s Passports from him so he failed to take my children from me.

My husband was always controlling. I wasn’t allowed to study ESOL. I had no friends as he was scared if I met others, they will tell me what my rights are. I didn’t know what benefits he was getting or what his salary was. He was just sending his money to his family back home and we didn’t have a right to ask for anything, I couldn’t even ask him to buy any new clothes or toys for our children, I was bringing my niece and nephew’s clothes for them to wear or buying from second hand shops which was really painful.

A***** took advantage of the fact that I can’t speak English and I needed him to renew my visa, he was controlling me, always intimidated me and threatened me saying that social services will take my children away from me and return me back home if I report him. I was isolated, have no family or friends and am busy with my young children and their health issues, instead of him supporting me, he was just psychologically abusing me. When his mother called us, my husband turned to a monster and started arguments, physically abused us and shouted, in the last incident he even used his shoes to hit me and my daughter. At this point, I decided 5 years of abuse was enough so I reported him to the police, they arrested him and put him under bail conditions.

Recently, A***** started his manipulative behaviour by saying he is sorry and that he wants me back. When I rejected him, he started threatening me to withdraw the allegation against him as he might lose his job. He sent his friends to pass on his abusive messages and if I refuse to do what he wants then he will not let me have a peaceful life as he will find me.

My case has been referred to KMEWO by the police. KMEWO contacted me and started supporting me side by side with children social services. “I want to thank them for helping me, for listening to me and for being by my side in difficult times. Thank you, for supporting me morally and believing me. The case worker answered my calls at all times, thank you very much”.

Identified needs:

  • Risk Assessment & Safety planning
  • Apply for Non Molestation Order (NMO) as bail condition due to expire
  • Counselling in her native language –Arabic
  • Immigration and legal advice
  • MARAC referral
  • Refer her for ESOL course

 

Outcomes:

  • Risk Assessment completed-High Risk, referred to MARAC
  • Planned for personal safety and support
  • Advice and support to report additional risk to the police
  • Referral to immigration solicitor to apply for ILR under DV rule
  • Ongoing emotional support
  • Linked Children’s Social Care and ongoing support provided through close work with social care
  • Financial support secured

Referred to ESOL course and will provide her a free  tablet to attend the course online and access key services

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